I cannot make everyone happy. It finally clicked. I have a drive, a dedication, ambition and dream to make everyone happy and feel heart broken when I can't live up to expectations or it just isn't enough. I like to think I give my best, my all and everything to do the very best. And will do anything to turn a rotten feeling around. And I honestly thought until recently it's possible to make everyone happy, I can do it, I can simply fix anything. And of corse whether personal or professional I want to do my best and make sure no body leaves unhappy or feeling rotten/raw. I always come at everything with good intentions and most of the time I can right most concerns. I NEVER want someone to walk away feeling raw. Especially clients, I always hope, pray and try to do everything in my power to make it right. Yes, I'm ridiculously passionate. Hi ho to role models super/wonder woman. And then it happened, it was like a full glass of water crashing onto a marble tile and shattering silently while screaming at me.
IT'S OKAY. Sometimes it cannot be helped. We all mess up (as much as we like to think we're invincible), forget, or worse... how I feel when I let down family. This summer has been so busy that I had to schedule in time to visit with family on the rare occasion when there was time, and I just constantly felt like I was failing them because I couldn't come visit more often without work being involved, whether it was shooting, or on the phone, emailing, meetings etc -- it just didn't stop. And don't get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY OVER THE MOON LOVE, love, love, love, love...x1000000 what I do. But I also realized the people I am around do too, deserve my attention --- and so begins my technology free weekends or visits with family. A time where I cut out and give my undivided attention to whom I am with.
We aren't here forever, and nether are our loves - the people around us. Which is why in the last year especially I've tried to be more like this (obviously it's hard) but to live life knowing that we are not permanent and cherish the little things and not getting caught up in things you simply cannot control. For example; I cannot control the weather. Especially here in the Lower mainland, so I mostly bank on it raining and if it's a gorgeous sunny day -- hey, bonus! But I work around, I try my best given every circumstance to make it work and I do. But that scenario very much plays into life and how we handle curve balls like illness, or little life roadblocks - we simply make it work and do our very best to move forward in the most positive way possible and solve what ever puzzles we can with the pieces we're given.