On Facebook there was loads of supportive comments - thanks Fatima :) which really had me convinced tonight was THE night. Well, unfortunately it wasn't. Maybe next year. The event itself was a lot of fun. There was a red carpet, with a celebrity back drop for photographs, H'orderves to try and I had wine. Everyone was dolled up in their own glamourous personal style. The Wedding Belles hosted the evening adding bits of laughter in-between each award. Lucky for me, I had run into Maclean & Erin from Hello Tomorrow Productions - best videography <--- check them out.... product placement alert.... do it.
We sat and waited to hear our names be potentially called up. Unfortunately it didn't happen. And not gonna lie, it sucked. The winners were amazing, the photographs were unreal. How did I simply think I could win? When you want something so badly and it doesn't happen that's when you have to watch out for the FUNK. And it hit, at 10:49pm the funk hit me. The white flag was raised, and was ready to throw in the towel. My next mission was an ice cream sundae... from McDonalds.... with fudge. And it was not as amazing as I thought it would be. When I got home, put on my PJ's and sat on the couch thinking -- wow, so this is what it feels like. I still have the photographs I submitted on the wall. I was thinking maybe the law of attraction would make it happen. And went to bed.
I woke up the next morning still infected with this nasty infection called "The Funk". That feeling of mopey, moody, blah feeling. Pulled myself together put on my gym clothes and proceeded to not go to the gym but shopping. I said to myself "a quick little trip won't hurt before I try to go to the gym". Ended up at a store picking up little things for Christmas for my niece Aliza. Little Roxy hoodies, booties etc and smiles came to my face getting excited for Christmas. I love that little girl so much and was she ever changing my day. Thinking about how she's just started walking and tumbling around - was so excited for my next trip back to the island to see her at Christmas. The highlight of the shopping was finding a little tee that said "Awesome, is how I roll" and it hit me. The not funked out Ashley would be saying "better luck next year, anyway Awesome is how I roll and I'd throw up some sort of whud'up sign" (see photos below, head bows in shame). Immediately thanks to a toddler's t-shirty by Roxy I proceeded to the gym to do my works out and I left feeling 110% better. I didn't turn on the iPod to listen to music I just had a conversation with myself and went over all the things I had achieved this year and why was winning just 1 award more important than the journey I've been on. Why did I feel like I had to just "check out" because I didn't win?
I am living my dream. I don't think any award is bigger than that. I wake up every morning and work on projects, shoots, and photographs that I am so incredibly passionate about. And I am so very lucky to have some amazing people to give me that shift kick in the a$$ when I need it or a refresher on how privilege I already am. The biggest thanks is necessary to all my clients that make it possible. Without you I'd be an empty shell - Thank you for helping me keep my dream going. This year was huge in that I was published in Print earlier this year in Real Weddings Vancouver - it was 4 pages! That's a HUGE deal! I've been published online 6+ times and so much more. I lost sight of the journey and I needed to recalibrate. I thought back to an article I read by an awesome Photog - Chase Jarvis. Get Used to Hearing "NO"
In the article he writes:
"Let “no” serve as a motivator"
"Let “no” keep out the other people who don’t want it as bad as you do. Remember, when you’re hearing “no”, so is almost everyone else. When other artists hear “no” too much, they quit, defeated, never to return again. Don’t let that be you. When you hear “no”, let it remind you of this little post." --(( Thank you Chase, for the reminder.))
"Let “no” remind you that this job isn’t for everyone, especially the uncommitted."
"Let “no” turn you into a better artist. "
"Mario Andretti once famously said, “If everything feels under control, you’re just not driving fast enough".
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't quit on YOUR dreams. I'm living mine. With the support of amazing people around me who believe in me. You can do the same. When I felt like I needed to throw in the towel, what I really needed was a momentary breather, refocus and listen to those who care around me. I couldn't imagine doing anything else but this. So why shouldn't you follow your dreams too?
|No idea, why this always feels right... makes awkward seem cool right? See I too get nervous in front of the camera!|
|Your 2nd Shooter - Dayne|
|And my man, who keeps giving me endless support & love. Thank you love!|